Strawberry Pomegranates

strawberry pomegranates

i’m tired of crying myself to sleep

and i don’t want anymore thoughts

telling me to fake a smile

and just stop the tears

but sorry if i’m not strong enough

sorry if i’m wasting your time

sorry if friendships with me don’t last

sorry if i can no longer try

i always imagine myself

as someone or something different

i fly into the air

as if a single bird in a crystal blue sky

but with the pain of a hundred bullet arrows

your words and hate drag me down

and i always fall deeper than where i’ve ever been

they tell me stop whining

and to grow up

to shut your voice

and to leave them alone

a million door slams

and billions more

hundreds of turned backs

and thousands more

numbers can’t count the number of lost fragments burning holes inside me.

swallowing my pride

smiling and laughing for cameras

making memories to replace those of my own

the ones that i have to live through

i’m done fighting just to be myself

i’m done living life as if i need to be someone else to be loved

i’m done with all the crushing pressure

i’m done with all the lies i’ve lived

i’m done and need to make a change

but scores of hammers

and hounds of knives

have smashed my soul into more pieces than can be fixed

i may be done living my life

but my life isn’t done living me.

-Jeffrey Yang